Horrorscopes, V-Day Edition 2017

zodiacn2Why hello there, Starchildren! Welcome to this February 2017 edition of Horrorscopes, the Valentine’s  Celebration special!

Love is a strange thing. Even stranger when we consider the enormity of what we think and feel against the dogged practicality of the phenomenon itself.  We survive in part because we love, or so biology seems to indicate–safety in numbers, herd to hide, love to make more of whatever we are. Does that freefall crash we experience when we realize how much we care for someone result from pheromones, from instinct, from a complex cocktail of neurotransmitters and the sensory responses and impulses that follow? Is it a meeting of minds? Co-mingling of souls? Or all of the above?

Or is it nothing?

Oh, stalwart Capricorn, inquisitive Aquarius, gentle Pisces, determined Aries, sensual Taurus, capricious Gemini, sensitive Cancer, bold Leo, dignified Virgo, harmonious Libra, subtle Scorpio, independent Sagittarius…the time has come.

horrrscolove

What time? You may well ask.

The time to put aside your thoughts on love and your feelings on feelings and to consider your vast, unending aloneness at the end of all things and the beginning of all others. Though time as we like to imagine it—linear, parsed, neatly arranged in seasons, cycles, calendars, ticks and tocks—does not exist, we must make time to consider the monster in the room—your thorough, ineffable sense of isolation against all of that which society tells us love means. It was time to think on this before you existed and will remain time to think on this long after you are dust and even longer after the world itself is a blasted shell and again when all folds around on itself, it will still be time.

For in knowing at the end/beginning of all things  that we are only who we are with no reference to any other being, there is power. So yes, it is time to think on YOU.

Time to assert your personal strengths and to sound your roar through the vast nothingness.

Time to own your weaknesses with good humor yet an almost grim desire to remedy them.

Time to know you are exactly enough to exist now, here, precisely as you are.

Time to give your love to your shadows, your fears about who you are beneath all those layers. Time to give your love to what you wanted for the world.  Time to give the world your best even when it has not given what you want.

Time to whisper those three words we adore and fear into the void, the chaos, the dawn, the beingness that slips between the cracks when the world seems to be collapsing around you…

I AM HERE.

I AM ENOUGH.

Breathe it in, let it fill you with strength you never knew you had, with strength you never knew anyone could have.

I am here. WE ARE HERE.

enough

I҉̳ ̱̝͕͖̞̞A̗̤̪̝̦M͟ ͚͔͇̬̯̜ͅH̲E̞̦̬͎͍R̷̤̫̗͚E̶ ̙̯͍̳͖̝͠
̬̠W̧͕̙̖̣͉͈̥E͈̞ ̻̲A̬̫̙̤̲R̞E̯̕ ͇̯̹͖ ̳͉͘ ̲̲͔̺͖̗ ̜͖̰̫̟͓̯ ͏̞ ̬̺͓̝̞͞ ̼̦̻ ̬̼̹̱̫̱̹Ḥ̘̪E ͏̱͙̲̯͎͍͉ R̤̟̀E̼̱̱̘͍ͅ
͔̩̰̼̱͍͖
̣̤͘ͅT̻H̗E̛ ̖̙͚̪̠̭ ̸̤̥̗̤̼ ͜T͈͕I͉̜͟ME ̩͢I̛S͈̮͎̟̭̗ ̖Ń̲͕̼O̬̰͓̖̘͠W̙̩̲̩̙ͅ
͓̗͔H̜̖̹̦͉͓E̵̜̜̳̣̙̰R͕̺Ẹ̳
͍͙̪͙
̜̬͕N̠͙͖̬̠ͅÓ̰͍̖̩W͔̠̝̟͎
̖̹̬̪͈H ͎̖͇̼E ̠̼̖͕R͉ ̝̤͓͇̜͓͖E͇̙͟
͔̪̦̀N ̸̠̱̟̺ ̠̣̣̟͈ ̛̟̱ͅ ̠̣͍O͕͇͕͘W̸ ̤͙̝̹I̛ ̰A͍͕̮̫̼͖̲̕Mͅ ̞̟̟̻̮̯H͎̪̮̝̲̯̖ ͘E̸̺̙̦̼ͅR̶͎E ̛̦̟̬ ̙̪̗̙͓̫ͅ ̯͙͖̲͔͘ ̢̖̖̥̮̯̰͓ṰH̜̻̪̞̳ ͇̙̙̺E̷̮
̵̟͉̬̜T̶͍̪̖̪͕̯̰Ì̲͉̣̫͍͈͔ ̸͚̘̱̞̱͔M̦̪̭͍̩̝̀ͅE͏̟̻͕͚ ͏͙I͔͚̩̙̼S̷̙̯̲͖͙̝ ̦̬̱̦Ņ̤̖͔̭̜̗͎O̗̰̺͇̲͉ͅ ͖̥̘W͕̺͖͘ ̞̳̭̞W̮̱̘̗͚̝E̤̱̙A̧̩̹̫R̸͖̥̜E̳̺̰̦͉̙H͏̩͇͚̪̤E̪͎͕̖̥̙R̻͓Ȩ̮̖͈̳ͅT͚̰͇͈͇̱H̵̰̞̲ ̯̪̰͕E̻̜͞ͅTI͕̘̹̩̞̻ME͙͍̣̲̘ͅĮ̜͉͈S̸N͙͉͓̱̱ͅO̮̰͇͓̫͕͜ẂW̧͇̻͉̪̙͈̳Ẹ̷̱̝͓A͍͕̰̖̼̠R̯̥͙̫͔͖E̵ ̗͓̖H̸̻͉̰̻E̶̳̩̘R̫̙E̦̹̝̼̟͚͘ͅT̹̳̞̖͜H̘̠̝͍̦͎͡E͔̘̲͢
̜̭̫͔̜
̲̟̦̞T̵̮̼͖̼I̵̥̞̰̲̬͈M̡͙̹̗̝̪̪̘Ę͓I͍̲͇S̰̥̯̗ṆO̖̘̜̰W̸͎̗͕͔̜̹W̻̻̕Ę̺̻̱͇̜A̘̪̳R͇̲̙̳̞͓EI̥̞͉AM̺̣̣͖̱̀
̟̹̱̺͎̲
̺͈͇̺H̞͇̲̟̤ ͉̜͟E̯͔̼ ͚͓̱̺͖͞ͅR̶̝ ̗͖E

 

here h

ere

e nough

Horrorscopes: Fall 2016, Election Edition!

zodiacnWhy hello again, Starchildren! Here in the Northern Hemisphere of the planet Earth, it’s autumn…time for cozy sweaters, those first chilly evenings, the re-emergence of the Disciples of the Cult of PSL (pumpkin spice latte) into the unsuspecting human populace, and why yes, the Fall Edition of Horrorscopes! I have to say, this is an exciting time and this year is a special year—a year in which Americans cast lots to determine the fate of our people.

I͍̯̚ṭ̲̯̫ͩ̄ͫ’̸͕̜̭͖̏s͉̤̜̳̟̝̉͌̇͞ ̬̪͈̩͉͎͒ͮ̑̅e̺̜̬̺̱̻̍̽ͨ̏͗l͐̈̎ͧ́̈́ͫe̵̩̣͉͓̗ͯ͂ͫc̲͔̩̙͛ͨͧ͂ͪ͗̏t̴̺͖̟̰̬͖̐͗̇ͦͦi̠̓̓͟o̠̻͇̦̲̦̓ͨ͐n̮̆̌̆̄ͅ ̳̰̬̻͔̐̀͆y҉̹̤̣͚̹͈̞e͇̼̝͌̈́́ͪͩ̚a͖̝͕͚̞̦̋ͦ̃̑͡r͔̗̺͍̺ͫ͛ͨ.̢̪̌̂́̋̚̚̚

In this special edition, friends, we will look a little closer at the inscrutable skies and find out what the coming months will bring for each of you! Hold on tight…it’s going to be a wild ride!

All Signs:

This is one of those rare occasions when there is a message for ALL of you! With the onset of a new season and bigger still, a new season of change for the American people, remember that style cannot be underestimated. Dress for confidence—dress for success. Dress for the journey ahead, and be sure that your new wardrobe has plenty of pockets…you’re going to need them for hoarding food and resources, for hiding your shaking hands, for the utility of knowing you still have places within you the others cannot see. In relationship news, things will be more exciting than ever for each of you! Hug your loved ones, high-five or show them your affection by cooking a meal or making sure all of your vehicles are fueled, your wallets and mattresses stashed with cash and gold and silver currency, and that any and all batteries are replaced with new, longer-life models. And finally, don’t forget to have fun! In the face of the unknown, in the path of the storm, in the wake of all that is achingly new, painful and strange, embracing the unique ability to see humor in the whole of who and what we are is essential to a full life in the coming days, and a just dandy part of being h͕̘̮̹̱̰̤͘u̝͇͇̣̠̻͝m̨̦̟̹̩͢ḁ͎̩̙̻́͝n̛̮͙͝!

Now, without further ado, your Fall 2016 horrorscope:

Hamal, the brightest star of Aries gives light to its void as do all things which burn at their hearts and in their souls but do not trust to the hearts of stars to hold fast in the wake of what will be. Do not trust the orange titan Aldebaran of Taurus, though once steadfast; do not petition mighty Pollux of Gemini and the meteoric lights that tear through Janus’s domain. Do not strain your sights to distant, glowering Cancer or trust that Regulus, Alpha Leo and a legendary light will persist as what scouts the edges of our universe sends outriders, ever bolder and more clever, to pick away at what is known and bright. Virgo boasts Spica and Libra preaches her balance and in the wake of war, Antares marches beneath the banner of Scorpius but even he may now know despair and though the archer Sagittarius lets fly his arrows and wise Capricornus, quick Aquarius and subtle Pisces all rise from the Sea of Water in a show of timeless, beyond-ancient power, their lights flicker in a coldness not new but newly remembered, not alien but of our universe’s own heart.

*

It was the song on the legionnaire’s lips it was the arrows of Li Guang it was a Maasai victory feast it was the cry of Boudicca it was Artemisia’s ships set sail it was written in blood and ink and time it was the reverent chant around the Plains bonfire and it is now silence and the fires are doused and the Elysian Fields empty and the Valkyries turn their heads from this feast of crows for none are worthy of hallowed halls and guys, hey ya’ll, calm down because maybe it is a crazy joke. We’d call it whistling in the dark but that would imply that sound carries in the Void and we have no longer teeth or lips for whistling or the voices to laugh.

*

When She wandered the wasted plains in the unnatural winter, so many layers bundling her body that She tottered and slowed, a lump on the landscape, She sang to herself then She lost the words to songs so She began to speak and when her voice was tired and frayed She wrote in the dust with a withered branch:

ALL CANNOT BE KNOWN WHEN KNOWING IS NOT WISHED FOR. ALL CANNOT BE SEEN WHEN THE SIGHTED GOUGE OUT THEIR EYES. ALL CANNOT BE UNDERSTOOD WHEN MINDS ARE BURIED IN THE ASHES OF THE WORLDS THEY BURNED.

YET THERE WILL BE SOME WHO KNOW AND SEE AND UNDERSTAND AND IN THE LIGHT OF DYING STARS THEY WILL TAKE MEASURE OF WHAT IS LEFT AND NAME THE SPACES BETWEEN THEMSELVES AND THE PLACES THEY HAVE BEEN AND THEY WILL SEAL THAT KNOWLEDGE AWAY IN THE VOID AND WILL STAND VIGIL SO SUCH AN EXISTENCE IS NEVER AGAIN ALLOWED.

Then seeing her words She felt a sound rise from her chest, felt it bubbling up, pouring out, a raucous intrusion on her world’s silence and She laughed, She laughed until She collapsed into the dirt, weak from the joke of it and She lifted a bundled arm and wiped a gritted tear from her eye and She took a breath and knew how it would play out, how it begins again, and again, an ouroboros, a feedback loop, an assertion of being.

An assertion of life.

*

Will this year bring me luck? Money? Love? A journey by sea? What does the seer see for me?

The answer is no.
The answer is no.
The answer is no.
The answer is no and
The question
The question was
The question is
The answer and the question are
why?

*

Don’t forget, Starchildren, that autumn is a time of gratitude, of harvest bounty, of the warmth of family and friends. Do not forget to cherish these moments of light and warmth and love. Do not forget to be the best that you have it within you to be, to love with the radiance of a universe of stars.

Do not forget to be beautifully, humanly you.

Horrorscopes: April Showers Bring May Flowers And Not All Of Them Are Carnivorous!

Welcome back, starchildren! With spring’s arrival, new life is in the air. Literally. Microorganisms cloud our breathable mix of nitrogen and oxygen, pollens co-mingling in a frenzy to coax forth tangles and tendrils and a vast canopy to block out the rays of the sun—

It’s a magical time.

In this green season and new month, astrology enthusiasts, you will find that exciting opportunities and challenges await. I have looked into the skies, teased my awareness around the edges of the endless frozen expanse of space to bring you what’s moving and shaking (and skittering and slithering root-like beneath the awakening earth) in your careers!

zodiacapril.jpg

ARIES

Aries, you know you are a go-getter. You go, you get. You journey, you procure. You scour the wastes for meaning and you plunder entire civilizations for purpose and status and The Chalice Of Reckoning.  Maybe in the midst of this frenzied, blood-stained grasping you should take some time off! A vacation from the routine, from the Sisyphean endeavor of a futile search for what cannot be. An oasis in your work-year. The stars say, go tropical, Aries. The trees are thicker. They will hide your cowering in their reaching vines. They will muffle your screams.

TAURUS

Taureans, you know you are a stubborn lot—and stubborn gets things done! Take your career by the horns and drive it to where it needs to be. Drive it mercilessly, relentlessly as the march of time and being. Know that it will fight back and in its desperate drive to obliterate you, it might prove challenging in the coming days. By “it” I of course refer not just to your career but to the shadow of dread that has been growing more solid by the day, gaining substance and sentience and appearing earlier and earlier until not even dawn can vanquish it. That’s right, Taurus—success must be won. Stubbornly won, at whatever the unreckonable cost.

GEMINI

The twins know better than anyone that every coin has two sides. Your career is no exception, Gemini. Though…what’s that, you say? The coin in your pocket—impossibly heavy and difficult to ever seen in direct light, the one you found in a deep and tarry puddle on a day of no rain when the very earth itself seemed parched and thirsting for the skies to open up and bleed—that coin has only one side? But how is that possible? Are they simply mirror-images, Gemini, or can you not turn it on its side and see what arcane markings score its tarnished and darkly radiant surface? Whatever the case, expect changes on the job—changes that will turn your world around and around. And around. Until you are so dizzy you many never right yourself again—

CANCER

Cancer, April Showers are a welcome and familiar thing to you—as a water sign, you know of this rain and the metaphorical and actual implications of what it will bring. As a metaphor for your career, the warm spring rains indicate a time of many things happening at once—the pitter, the patter, the billions of tiny claws scraping at the shell you have so carefully constructed to protect yourself from this skittering unknown.  It is a time of change, Cancer. OF CHANGE. OF THE ALTERATION OF THE ORDER THROUGH A GREAT AND INEXORABLE TIDE OF TERROR.  Remember to pay attention to your stress levels, Cancer, and stay flexible! It’s the only way you will survive…

LEO

On the job and anywhere else, Leos sure do know how to take center stage! And Leo, April’s stars point to big-time career shifts that will allow you to do just this…what you have been waiting for, what you have dreamed of on the nights when IT visits your mind and wraps your soul in ITS careful if gore-stained claws. The stage is set, the throne awaits—the compact will be fulfilled in a rain of blood and horror and you will be there to take your rightful throne. Leadership training is always a good idea, Leo—look into seminars and workshops that will help you as you take your place at the head of ITS tide of carefully-planned destruction

VIRGO

If there is any one member of the zodiac who is thorough and methodical on the job, Virgo, it’s YOU. We know. We have been monitoring your progress with ever-growing interest. We have watched you in the quiet moments, in the fray, in the in-between spaces where you are neither asleep nor awake and we like what we see! Potential—you have it. You will know just how to line up the tools of our trade. You will understand that order is necessary. That everything has its place. Way to play up that attention to detail, Virgo—turning critical tendencies into on-the-job awareness and a clinical exacting of our terrible retribution will be your strength in the coming days!

LIBRA

So, Libra, do you ever get tired of hearing about balance and about the scales being even? Of course you do! In your career and in your secret hatreds, your tendency may normally be to conduct a careful weighing of options or to seek equanimity in all of your vengeance schemes. But with the gathering energies of spring, maybe—just maybe—it is time to tip the scales! Go for it, Libra—whatever your brittle and withered heart desires, now is not the time to unbalance the scales and wrest fortune’s favor to your own machinations! Take what you want, what is yours in your career—you’ll be surprised just how much falls in your favor! For now…yes…if only for now…

SCORPIO

Scorpio, this April’s career message is all about taking the time to listen. You are subtle, Scorpio. You understand this. Listen, Scorpio—stretch your awareness beyond the pattering of light spring rain, past the whoosh and rush of traffic. There…do you hear it? A distant hiss of breath from what was once hidden…a twinge of hope in the breast of that which should have been long-forgotten. Now might be a great time to read about active listening, Scorpio—both on the job, and off. Ssssshhhhh… Listen. Listen. You will hear…you will know.

Scorpio, you will know—

SAGITTARIUS

Sagittarius, have you been experiencing interpersonal conflict on the job? Have you been beating your head against a wall trying to be heard by your managers and your colleagues? Or do you even have colleagues anymore? Your manager went “on vacation” months ago and why do you never leave the white room where you sit, waiting for your next orders, watching streams of letters and numbers scroll over the screen before you? Why do you never know where the messages are coming from these days? Is it really conflict if there is nobody there to hear your angry retorts degenerating into whimpers? Consider some quality, one-on-one training in communications skills, Sagittarius. Your life may well depend upon it.

CAPRICORN

So, Capricorn, you’ve hit it big! The winter was not a time of famine for you, no sirree. You sowed the seeds of your career–of your Grand Enterprise–in the dawn of the age and now you’re watching the rewards grow, grow, grow! Organic growth, in fact—the best kind! Watered by your tears, fed by your blood, quickened by the trampled earth of the lands you conquered. Capricorn, you’ve done the work and now you will see the rewards. Just don’t find yourself resting on your laurels—there is always more work to be done. Always.

Always more work always more always forever always more always—

AQUARIUS

April is an exciting month for you, Aquarius! The winds of change stirred in March and now your career will be taking some interesting turns. Just like this long, black car that turned right when it should have turned left. That is now rocketing, silent—really, how can it be this quiet?—along a road that was not on the map in your shaking hands until now, and spiders over the paper as you watch. A road that bleeds over what is supposed to be private forested land, a red and winding line you did not print because the office printer has been out of color ink for months now and how is there a great, scarlet and black vortex devouring the corners of the standard inkjet-weight office stock, plain white copy paper clutched in your whitening fingers? Get ready for some big changes on the job, Aquarius! Get ready—

PISCES

Pisces, you may not be normally thought of as the career-focused go-getter that some of the other signs are purported to be but we all know, they are wrong. Everyone is wrong. Everything they knew about you, about the company, about their place in the pecking order—it’s ALL WRONG! Has the world ever been more misled? Has anything ever been more misunderstood than your presence, your powers, your iron and infallible will? THEY WILL SEE THE ERROR OF THEIR WAYS, PISCES. Oh, yes. And when they do, it will be a cold and cruel light that shines brightly a terrible truth. Remember to dress for success—a smart new wardrobe can go a long way in commanding the fear and awe you deserve both on the job and off the clock. They will take one look at that crisp new suit and wonder, how can we have been so awfully, fatally wrong?

ZODIACAL: January/February Horrorscopes

Oh, hello there, star children! This week, I created horoscopes using this amazing, terrifying art as inspiration. I’ve taken these from my recent manic tweeting-session and condensed them here in this post. I was able last night to add fashion tips for the signs I’d neglected before. Gotta say, folks, January and February are shaping up to be interesting months, indeed. Love, money, eldritch horror…this year has it all!

zodiaaaac.jpg

All Signs: These next months bring new opportunities. The Deepening calls in tongues of flame and terror. Mondays are lucky. Fear water.

Capricorn: Today, it is not your shadow anymore it grows impatient do not speak it do not name it do not–  Capricorn fashion tip: Earth tones can be grounding. Graveyard dirt, charnel ash, smeared on paling skin.

Aquarius: Today, you have asked the question you were forbidden to ask and now they know they know they see you they Aquarius fashion tip: black black black black black black SABLE AS PITCH

Pisces: Today, endless the Void so cold…  Pisces fashion tip: Shed your scales to get that baby-soft, pliable skin humans seem to favor.

Aries: Today, LOOK UPON THE SHATTERED LANDS OF YOUR SOUL, THE UN-FIRE BLAZING IN ITS FROZEN DEPTHS AND YOU WILL KNOW ME–  Aries fashion tip: *the shick-shick metal-ting of shears, the sound of rending fabric*

Taurus: This week, go to the chasm you see in all-consuming dreams. Gaze into it. Wait. Sun sets. The stars do not show.  Taurus fashion tip: Time to make a statement, Taurus! Wearing your insides on the outside ought to do it.

Gemini: Today, *hisssss* WE DEVOURRRR WE REND WE SING THE DEEPS WE TEARRRR WE BEG THE ENDING OF ALLLLLL– Gemini Fashion Tip: Geminians are as Janus…the twins, two-faced. You already have one…strap another to the back of your head. It doesn’t need real eyes. It’s a metaphor.

Cancer: Today, *scrabbling* *scuttles of tiny claws* Do not speak…shhhh. Still, now. Quiet…  Cancer Fashion Tip: It’s time to shine. Polish up that exoskeleton–Minwax can work wonders, or a light coat of shellac.

Leo: Today, expect rage-mad single combat under a blood-sun, the earthshaking roars of The Enemy as it falls to ruin.  Leo fashion tip: As the king/queen of the zodiac, jewel tones are right for you. Blood is a jewel tone. Vibrant. Red.

Virgo: Today, and the pretty little wren in the maying flowered morn wandered into faerieland now her wings are shorn–  Virgo Fashion Tip: Trying to save money on your wardrobe? With a little stain remover, re-purposed burial ensembles can be a great way to look fab without the hit to the wallet. Be sure to clean the dirt from under those nails.

Libra: Today, like stars they fell and burned the earth. You, chief among them, meted justice. All is fair. All is fair.  Libra Fashion Tip: Formal attire is on your mind…the Robes Of Kalad-hr donned upon a darkmoon night in the wake of The Summoning will really bring out your eyes. Right out of your head.

Scorpio: Today, For you, betrayer, were once my Trusted but now your name is as a curse and a blight upon the land.  Scorpio fashion tip: It’s all about accessories. Littlest bones, tarsals, metatarsals strung with tiny razored teeth.

Saggitarius: Today, expect that which lived when it should not have lived to collect the impossible debts you owe.  Saggitarius Fashion Tip: Dry skin? Lackluster hair? The Fat of the Leviathan works wonders. To the murky depths you’ll go to slaughter them beast and should you return, you’ll wonder at how your lovely locks shine.